Strategic Gaps
Resistance to Change
Low Engagement
Motivation Gaps
Performance Challenges
Weak Leadership
Talent (Labor) Shortage
Learning Gaps
Inefficient HR Processes
AI Adaption
Growth Challenges
Inefficient Sales & Marketing
EX Gaps
CX Gaps
Future Readiness Gap
Attract
Engage
Delight
Perform
Today, I would like to share a complaint that I often receive. I receive emails from people who claim that others are responsible for not achieving their goals, who say that they are victimized because of this, and who ask me for help to get out of this situation. Here is one of them:
Dear Ms. Bahar,
How can I ask the senior managers in the company I work for to "step up their game"? Their lack of passion is preventing me from moving forward in my career! There are no real opportunities in the company for me to advance, to develop. My goals are quite high, and I hesitate to use the word "lazy" for them, but that would actually be the right description. They do absolutely nothing unless it is absolutely necessary. I don't want to threaten them to resign but whenever I bring it up they tell me to be calm and wait. I think they are very comfortable where they are and are trying to do the least possible to maintain the status quo. Please help me convey my urgency to them!
Signature,
Frustrated Employee
Dear Fed Up Employee,
I'm going to talk to you in a completely frank way. They are not the problem, you are the problem. But if you are really willing to listen to me, I think you will soon get rid of this frustration and powerlessness that you feel. It is a question of boundaries. When people fully understand what their role in a relationship is and what it is not and act accordingly, that relationship works.For example, consider the parent of an adult child who lives constantly feeling helpless because his son is not living up to his potential (in the parent's own view). Let's say the son is a plumber, not a prime minister. The problem here is not the child but the parent.The parenthas the mistaken idea that his own emotional needs must somehowbe met through his son. He has made his son responsible for satisfying his own desires, his own dreams. The end result of this role confusion is that the parent becomes a manipulative chaotic person. Worse still, the parent suffers from recurrent resentment, alienation from his son and feelings of powerlessness. When you take responsibility where you don't belong, or constantly imply taking responsibility where you don't belong, you awaken these unpleasant feelings within yourself and you start scheming projects that don't actually bring much in the way of results.
If you objectively re-read the question you asked me, you will see some evidence of the kind of problems I am talking about. You seem to be exhausted from judging your managers. When they choose targets you don't like, you characterize them as lazy and lacking ambition. You don't want to give up and quit (take responsibility for finding another job that fulfills you), but instead, you expect them to reshape their strategy to create opportunities for you.
Critical Skills Training Catalog
Can your managers be lazy, unexcited, lacking ambition? Of course they can be... But that's not the problem. You have delegated to them the responsibility of meeting your needs. It's not their job.
There is nothing wrong with trying to influence senior management to see greater possibilities. But when it becomes clear that they are not buying yourideas, you have a choice to make... While blaming them is always an option, it is not healthy or productive.
I hope you find peace and the opportunity you want. It's clear that you have the desire to keep growing, so let's do it! Step one is to reset your beliefs about why other people are responsible and why they are not responsible.
Love
Bahar Sen
Other Resources You May Be Interested In:
Podcast - Habits Limiting Your Career
