Being successful is something everyone aspires to. Research shows that your success is largely determined by whether you speak quickly, directly and effectively in moments of conflict when speaking up is crucial.
If you are not achieving the results you want to achieve in your life, if you are not getting the things you want, the most likely reason for all of this is that you either don't have a conversation at all or you have it badly, just when it matters most. If you want to improve your relationships with other people, if you want to build trust, if you want to achieve the results you want to achieve in life, it is vitally important for you to learn how to handle moments of contradiction and conflict.
The cost of each confrontation you avoid is very high. Most people, when faced with conflict, resort to avoidance tactics that actually drain their own resources. In the distress of not being able to deal with the issue that is so important to them, they overthink the critical issues in conflict, do unnecessary work related to the issue, and try not to meet the person with whom they are in conflict. When you consider how widespread conflict avoidance is, the total cost can rise to a level that is sometimes irrecoverable.
So how can we talk to the other person about issues that are risky for us in such moments when our views are different and our emotions are intense ? How can we best manage these moments of conflict? For this I will give you 6 important tips;
1. Face the right problem. To do this, decide what you really want before you speak. What do you want to achieve by successfully managing this conflict - to give the other person a piece of your mind? Remind yourself of this and focus only on the issues that will lead you to the outcome you really want, not all the issues you have accumulated in your baggage in the past.
2. Restrain your emotions. The only way to do this is to review the stories in your head that trigger these emotions before you talk to the other person. Often you ignore the fact that what you see and hear about the issue we are in conflict about is actually limited data, it doesn't give you the whole picture. You make sense of the situation by filling in the missing information with assumptions that do not exist, just as we fill in the gaps between words when solving puzzles. You come to a conclusion, comment or make a judgment about the subject.
Because we accept the situation as an absolute truth, leaving aside the fact that this is a story that we write by filling in the blanks, this story that we write creates a feeling in us. Trying to successfully manage a conflict with this feeling will be a futile endeavor. So in any conflict, distinguish how much of the story in your head is based on hard facts and how much is interpretation and judgment.
3. Master managing the first 30 seconds of a conversation. The first 30 seconds are crucial,don't immediately jump into the content of what you want to talk about and attack the other person; show that you value the other person at the beginning of the conversation , make it clear what your intentions are and are not, and thus open the way fordialog . Humility is the most powerful antidote to conflict. The other person's views may not be reasonable to you, but you probably have many ideas that don't seem reasonable to others that you haven't thought through very well. Realizing this can help you approach other people with patience instead of judgment.
4. Recognize the other person's values and your own. In most conflicts, if you listen well, you may discover that your differences are not really in the intention, but in the strategy - the method to achieve that intention. In a situation where you are trying to achieve security, you may discover that the other person values freedom. Where you value personal responsibility, he values compassion. He is pounding the table for opportunity while you are raising your voice for equality. But if you listen carefully, you will discover that you both are also interested in some common values. When you recognize the similarity, bring it to the forefront. This will give a fluidity to your conversation and reinforce your closeness, even with someone you are at odds with.
5. Don't speak in absolutes. When sharing your own truths, use phrases like "I believe" or "I have come to this point" rather than definitive statements like "the truth is" or "everyone knows".
Conflict management means turning conflict into a dialog. Turning conflicts into dialogues and expressing your own views openly, without wearing the other person down, will strengthen your relationships andlead you towards the results you really want.
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