The Social Dilemma - Social Dilemma - The Addiction to "Likes" Instead of Living Life

The Social Dilemma

New research shows a link between the obsession with posting photos on social media and constantly checking phones, and people enjoying life less.

A mother of a 3-year-old writes: I punished my son for something he did, and he had such a funny outburst when I did it that I punished him again to make a video of him. After I uploaded the video to Instagram, I thought, "What have I done?

A new study by our partners Joseph Grenny and David Maxfield, co-authors of four New York Times bestsellers, reveals that more and more of us are losing touch with life in order to gain "likes" and praise on social media. In a sense, we have become social media "like hunters." According to the study, 58 percent of those surveyed said that trying to capture the perfect photo interferes with enjoying life. Sometimes it even makes them behave in strange or inappropriate ways. In fact, one in four people allow their smartphones to distract them even in their "most private" moments.

What's more, the online survey of 1,623 people revealed that this obsession with social media interactions and like-hunting is not only disturbing, it is driving our subconscious and lives. Imagine, of those surveyed;

• Almost 3 out of 4 admitted that theother person has stopped engaging with them because they were rude and focused on their phone instead of focusing on theother person.
• 91 percent of respondents said they have seen a tourist trying to put something on social media and not being able to capture the flavor of the moment. Many admitted to doing the same thing themselves.
• 71 percent have seen a parent undermine or miss a special experience in their child's life in the name of capturing the perfect post.
• 14 percent risked their own safety trying to get a good share.
  
  

YOU CAN ACCESS THE DETAILS OF THE STUDY IN THE DOCUMENT BELOW

Many said that their unhappiness increased due to

Not listening to or spending time with people they care about: I was so busy trying to videotape and broadcastmy daughter's dance event that I completely missed watching the show. My daughter said to me, 'Did you see how I danced? To tell you the truth, I didn't really see it. It was awful to realize that."

Careless behavior while driving: "I get really frustrated every time I can't resist the urge to pick up the phone in the car. Thankfully, nothing bad has happened so far." But that doesn't mean it can't happen.

Embarrassing moments when taking a "selfie": " I often see cars, tourists and pedestrians darting out into the road in the middle of busy Hollywood Boulevard to take a quick selfie. When they finally realize their hastily snapped picture doesn't look the way they wanted, they yell "Noooo, not again" on the sidewalk."

Posting something online that they wouldn't normally say.

"Our conclusion is that we enjoy these moments less when we focus on capturing them rather than experiencing them," says Joseph Grenny, co-author of the study and our business partner. "Getting 'likes' is a technological way of achieving a sense of social well-being with low effort that requires more effort to achieve in the real world.

This study is a warning that we are beginning to choose the easy way over the real thing." David Maxfield adds: "If our attention is more on an invisible audience than on the moment we're living, we are clearly disconnected from it. This study is a warning that our devices and social networks are controlling our attention without us even realizing it . "

Grenny and Maxfield offer some tips to help deal with social media addiction:

1. Take an outside look at yourself. Before you make a significant effort to take a photo, stop and ask: "What would a reasonable, rational third person think of me if they saw me doing this?" Sometimes in the heat of the moment it can feel too easy to do risky or inappropriate things. Looking at the situation from the outside, from an outsider's perspective, can help you stay morally centered.

2.Limit your posts. The best way to prevent social media from becoming an unconscious, unauthorized intrusion into your life is to be aware that it is happening. Track and limit the number of your posts. If you are posting too much per day, there is probably a problem. Most people would be more satisfied if you posted once or twice a week rather than every day, which is exaggerated.

3.Shoot, look and listen. Watch what other people in inspiring places are doing and you'll often see that they take a picture, then turn around and walk away. You don't do that. Okay go and take that picture. But then fight the urge to say, "Okay, that's enough. Slow down. Take a breath. Look around. Listen, use all your senses and enjoy the experience, not just the reward.

4.Disconnect from your device. Spend a day, an evening or even an hour physically detached from your devices. If this makes you feel anxious, rest assured that you are on the right track. If you fight this initial feeling of discomfort, you will learn to be present and connected to the moment in a way that creates happiness and joy.

Stories and Confessions from "Social Media Like Busters"

• I know a woman who was having a private moment with her partner when she stopped to check a message she was waiting for. She looked at her smartphone, then answered the call. He was so upset that their love life went downhill. After that, their relationship never recovered.
• My friend is depressed and unhappy with her life situation, but she posts gorgeous photos and status updates on Twitter and Facebook. People say she has a great life, but I know she doesn't feel that way at all

• When my adult son was eating in a fancy restaurant, instead of talking to me, he kept playing with his phone under the table, much to my annoyance. I asked him to put his phone down, but that didn't stop him. Distracted, I took out my phone and texted him under the table: "STOP PLAYING WITH YOUR PHONE!" After that we had a nice dinner.

• I took my sister to a concert. We were so close to the stage that I was able to get some great pictures of the band. Then my sister said that one of the band members came up to her and said "hello" and I completely missed the moment!

• Whenmy two year old nephew was having a great time tearing open the paper wrappers of each of thegift trolleyshe received for his birthday , his parents wanted him to quickly move on to the next gift and open it too "so that they could take a picture for the whole family to see and share on social media". "My nephew got so angry that he left the room crying. His parents blamed each other for his "unruly behavior". This is really "CRAZY!!!

• When I put my 3 month old son on our dog to take a cute photo, the dog moved and my son hit his head on the floor, hurting and crying. I felt terrible.

• On maternity leave, while breastfeeding my newborn son, I kept looking at my smartphone to see what was happening on Facebook. I wish I had paid more attention to him in those moments because while I was looking at my phone, he was looking at me and he needed his mom.

• A man threw himself in front of a tornado to take a selfie.

• My son who lives out of town came home for a funeral. He took a picture of himself with his best friend and shared it with me. I took it and posted it on Facebook. He called me immediately, very upset because he had taken a day of sick leave to come to the funeral and he didn't want anyone to know he was home for a long weekend. I had to immediately go on Facebook and delete the picture.

• I stayed up very late, constantly looking at social media to "stay connected" with people. "Connecting in this way has been very uncomfortable for me lately, as what I want deep down is a real conversation.

• I missed my granddaughter taking her first steps as I was trying to access her social media page.

• I had been so caught up in what was happening on Facebook that I hadn't been there enough for my dying elderly parent in his final moments.

• When I was raising my son, I was always checking my email and messages in the time I had for family. I lost him last year and now I wish I could have those few moments with him again.

• I was attacked by a rooster when I tried to take a close-up picture of his head.

• That's kind of gross! I almost forgot to flush the toilet once when I was looking at my phone after using it.

• Once or twice I've tried to challenge convention in a pointed way to gain followers. It doesn't work and it strains relationships.

What do you think about the negative effects of the Social Dilemma in your life? Please share your experiences with me in the comments section below.