Unresolved Performance Reviews

Dear Bahar, I did a performance appraisal with one of my subordinates. According to our performance appraisal procedure in our company, he scores himself first. Then I give him a rating and provide a lot of supporting data. It is not unusual for employees to rate themselves higher than their manager rates them, but this time this employee rated himself very high.

Signature,

Irreconcilable

Dear Irreconcilable,

These moments can be emotionally taxing and stressful, and I've been there once or twice. For those of us in leadership positions, it's not surprising to see the illusions that people have about themselves. Because many people can have an incredibly inflated perception of their own contribution. Once when my son was young, I went to watch his soccer game and was surprised to see the parents of children from both teams cursing fervently that the referee was favoring the other team. We all often think that we have done better than the other, that we deserve more, that we are more knowledgeable about the current situation.

This means that in performance appraisals, leaders also have an inflated sense of righteousness about themselves. And these leaders sit across the table in performance negotiations from someone who suffers from the same condition. So how can two people with perceptual illusions join their paths towards a truth?

The answer is to trust the dialogue. The closer a dialog is to the truth, the more likely it is to be a healthy dialog. In the emotionally charged atmosphere of a performance review, I have a few tips to help a healthy dialog take place:

1. Don't put the burden of proof on yourself, share it. You don't need to feel like you have to convince your subordinate that you are "right". That is not your job. Your job is simply to share your opinion. If you find yourself trying to convince your team member that your view is "right", you are out of the dialog and into the monologue. You need to step out of your own conclusions and accept that they are just one perspective on the facts. Take a few deep breaths and allow yourself to choose a different perspective. Share the responsibility for coming to the "right" conclusion with the other person. Let him/her know that you want his/her help to make sense of a satisfying amount of data. You should not feel that you are trying to convince each other with your own stories, but that together you are filling a pool of shared meaning. What I mean by a pool of shared meaning here are the facts, experiences, ideas and feelings that everyone in the conversation shares, understands and accepts.
2. Decide how you will make decisions. To avoid violating expectations, while your main preference is to agree on scoring and objectives , be clear that it is your job as a manager to make the final decision at the end of the evaluation. Don't emphasize this too much and don't make it too elaborate. Make it clear to your employee that you are willing to invest the time and energy needed to reach a consensus, and if it becomes clear that you cannot do so within a reasonable timeframe, then and only then will you make an independent decision.
3. Separate content and model. Often, communication breaks down when the manager sees a pattern of repetitive behavior in the other person and tries to help the employee see it and take responsibility . But the employee often does not accept these behaviors. Instead, he or she makes one explanation after another, one data point after another. For example, you say to your employee, "Many times customers have complained that you are rude and impatient with them." This is actually a recurring pattern that you are trying to demonstrate. In response, your employee says, "Can you give me an example?" Now, this is a slippery slope. At this point, you should give him/her clear examples. For example; "Last Friday a customer told me that you left your product on his desk and walked away without saying a word." And he says, "I remember that and that's not what happened. Yes, I didn't say anything, but I smiled and turned around to make an urgent phone call that was on hold."

This is a fine point of a critical confrontation because something clever happens. If you don't catch it, you will end this performance review feeling unsatisfied and at odds. If you can understand what your team member did, you can avoid this outcome. What was it? It changed the topic from a conversation about a repetitive pattern of behavior to a conversation about content. You no longer talk about what happened as a repetitive pattern of behavior, but about what happened last Friday.

Here's what you need to do to get back to speaking correctly: "Yes, I can understand that you think you handled the situation well in the moment, but what I want you to help with here is the recurring pattern of behavior that is emerging. I could share three different examples with you and there may be extenuating circumstances in each of them, but this pattern of behavior I'm talking about is recurring with you more than with any other team member. This is exactly what I want us to discuss and solve."

Did you see what happened? First, I tried to share responsibility by addressing the common pool of meaning. Second, I moved the conversation from the content back to the model. And finally, I set my expectations that if he continued to provide explanations for each element of the model, the model should address why it was different for him than for other team members. This is a simple Crucial Conversations method and an important leadership competency.

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Now, even if you do all this, you may still agree to disagree. In such a case, you will have to lean back on suggestion number two. You can end with something like this: "It seems that we see things differently. I thank you for your patience and I hope you realize that I sincerely want to understand your view as well. Nevertheless, I need to make my best judgment about how to proceed with what is happening. Forgive me if I am wrong in that judgment, but I would ask that you respect my position and make an effort to accommodate it. I believe that this pattern of rudeness with customers is still something you need to address. For that to happen, I would ask you to . ."

Your question to me shows how seriously you take your coaching role as a leader. I appreciate your efforts and wish you success in overcoming your own delusions and positively influencing your similarly affected friends.

Love

Spring