Dear Bahar
I was recently promoted to supervisor in a stressful call center. My entire team complains about the personal hygiene of one employee. In fact, the work environment created by this employee is so uncomfortable that others are angry with him. This has not been dealt with effectively in the past and has now become a major team issue.
I know I need to have this conversation, but I don't know how to start it as it is a very sensitive topic and also because the person involved is a successful employee. Please help!
Hesitant About Smell Talk
Dear Timid,
What do we do when someone's behaviour negatively affects the behaviour of others and the person exhibiting the negative behaviour is not aware of it, or when it seems that the situation will never change? Apart from sweat odour and cleanliness, these behaviours can include things like wearing inappropriate clothes, using bad language, chatting too much or smoking in places where it is not appropriate. All of these behaviors lead to a gap between what is agreed upon or normally expected and what actually happens. We can put up with smaller and infrequent differences in expectations and hope that they will go away at some point. But what can we do when, as in your case, the expectation gap is significant and becomes a recurring pattern? Here are a few strategies.
Clarify two points. The first point is to review or discuss what the expected behaviors are and the reasons behind them. When you are first promoted or when a new team member or a new department comes into your area of responsibility, create an opportunity to talk about a few expectations that will help your team work together effectively. This may include talking about differences in expectations that have occurred in the past that have hindered the team or the work. For example, you may want to talk about appropriate standards of dress and personal grooming. This is because customers, managers and employees have certain expectations in these areas and these expectations make it easier to work closely together as a team. I suggest that this conversation should never focus on more than three or four behavioral expectations, and these should be the most important issues for your team.
The second point is that if there is any difference in expectations between the agreed standard and the actual situation, this should be openly discussed. Agree with each team member that when expectations are not met, those who see it will personally, politely and professionally talk about it with the person concerned. You will not get angry or gossip; you will talk. The reason is that if we don't speak up when there is a gap in expectations, we lower the standards of the company and increase the likelihood that someone will be offended, rumors will spread and team morale will suffer. Before things escalate into real problems, as a team, find out what the existing expectation gaps are and talk to resolve the concerns.
Assume the person is blameless.
We want people who encounter expectation differences to ask themselves about the other person, "Why would a reasonable, rational, decent person behave this way?" Asking this question allows you to avoid jumping to conclusions or making assumptions that lead to misdiagnoses. Asking this question also prevents you from starting the conversation by saying, in essence: "I have judged you in my head and found you guilty. Can we talk?" Such a start does not help the solution and makes you part of the problem.
Start the conversation with a message that you are observant, curious and interested. Ask to be part of the solution, not part of the problem. Doing this helps you to see that you don't really know the issue until you talk about it, you are just guessing. In your case, maybe the person has just started taking a new medication, or maybe they have been kicked out of the house and are living in their car. You don't know... Give yourself the opportunity to make the right diagnosis and keep the relationship going.
Talk about expectation differences early on.
Identify the expectation gap when it first arises, then find a safe time and a private place to talk about it. For years, we have been talking about the skills of how to have an accountability conversation with the other person and about the "first half-minute that can ruin everything".
"We know that if you start the conversation right and on time, you are much more likely to find a solution
."
InAccountability trainings, we teach that first you need to identify and define the difference between what is expected and what is observed and then finish with a question. For example, if an employee comes to work late, you can say, "I noticed that working hours start at 8:00 a.m. and today you arrived at 8:25 a.m. What happened?" You should say this in a non-judgmental way.
ACCOUNTABILITY TRAINING
In another example, if the person is wearing too much perfume, you can start by saying: "One of our expectations here is that when we work together, we make it enjoyable for others. I notice that your perfume is very intense, can we talk about that?" Assume that the person says "yes", so we can intervene early on. If the person disagrees, that's another problem.
If you don't talk about it early, the problem continues. Colleagues start gossiping and don't ask this person to go to lunch. Another employee calls them names behind their back, another makes a sarcastic comment. In such a situation, trust and respect diminish. Gossip and feelings of hurt increase. Why? Because no one has been able to talk openly with him/her about it.
Trust the process.
If you start the conversation in a way that shows that you are not judging her and that you are looking out for her and caring for her, as well as for the standards in the workplace, you are on the right track.
In a place where you are alone, at a good time, when your mind and heart are in the right intention and you have more clearly explained the expectations as I have described above, you can say: "A few weeks ago, we decided on a standard of dress and personal grooming that will help us serve our clients better and work well together. It's a little strange for me to say this, but when you came to work, I noticed that you had a distinct smell of sweat. I don't know what's going on, but I want to talk about what's going on and what can be done to meet expectations." It should be clear what your goal is, both in what you say and in your behavior.
If there are no mutually agreed standards, you can modify the first sentence by saying, "I think it is important for everyone to work in accordance with certain standards of dress and personal grooming." Be careful what not to say at this point. For example, don't say that others are complaining about him/her. However, if the person makes a comment such as "I don't agree with that, I think that's just your opinion", then share it. In order to be sincere and open, don't use inflammatory words such as "You stink of sweat" that will make the situation more difficult. And certainly don't use indirect approaches such as leaving deodorant on the person's desk.
Over the years, when I have discussed the idea of bringing up a difficult topic in front of large groups of people, I ask for a show of hands if they have ever had to talk to a person about the "sweat smell" issue. I see many hands go up, usually with a sigh and a nod, indicating that people have had many bad experiences with this issue. I then ask how many of them should have spoken up and failed to do so. I see many more hands go up and many more negative reflections. You are not alone...
I hope this advice will help you feel more motivated and support you to step up to the plate and help a great employee.
Best wishes,
Spring