Parents Fail in Critical Conversations with Teachers

A national study shows that 3 out of 4 parents overestimate how effective they think they are in helping and solving their children's school-related problems. And it confirms that many leave it to teachers or school administrators to solve problems.

While most parents consider themselves quite capable of dealing with their children's school problems, a survey of 986 parents by Joseph Grenny and David Maxfield, authors of Critical Conversations, found that only half of parents are able to solve problems effectively.

About 75 percent of respondents felt they passed the parenting test on at least one of the common school-related issues, including their child's academic performance, discipline problems and social issues such as bullying.

Yet when parents are asked how they deal with these issues in real life, 35 percent say they don't discuss key issues with teachers or administrators, and 18 percent say that even if they try, they feel "unsuccessful" in doing so.

KEY CONCLUSIONS

3 out of 4 parents overestimate their own effectiveness in helping their children with school-related issues

35% do not discuss key issues with teachers or administrators

18% try to speak but feel that it is "not a successful conversation".

Consider the following when having critical conversations with teachers:

1. Manage your motivations correctly. It is easy to become defensive when talking about issues related to children. Both parents and teachers can feel attacked and blamed in these conversations. The key to a healthy conversation is to remind yourself and the teacher that the main goal is to help the child succeed.
2. Stop being defensive: Start the conversation by showing at the beginning what your main concern is not and by securing a dialogic space for the other person. For example, "I am not here to blame you. I am here to understand..." If you are a parent, let the teacher know that you want to help the child succeed without creating more workload or problems for him/her. If you are a teacher, let the parent know that your goal is not to criticize him/her, that it is all about the success of the child.
3. Start with the facts. Use specific concrete events (and details about the events) to show the teacher or administrator what your concerns are. These facts should not be assumptions or stories of your own making. Just the facts. If your child is partly at fault, don't waste time admitting it.

ABOUT RESEARCH

The study collected responses from 986 people through an online survey in August 2014. The margin of error is approximately 3%.

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