Dear Bahar
I am a mid-level manager working in the service sector and provide support to a staff of twenty-one. Nineteen of the team members approach their work professionally, manage their emotions appropriately and treat others with respect.
However, two team members are consistently negative, complaining and even disrespectful. I have spoken to them once or twice about this behavior, and we have addressed the issue together, but it took very little time for them to return to their old behavior. I am amazed that these two team members are constantly negatively influencing nineteen positive people who are in the opposite situation. What I have seen in other teams over the years is that positive employees, even if they are the majority, are negatively influenced by employees who behave negatively. Is there a reason why negativity outweighs positivity?
Yours sincerely,
Frustrated Manager
Dear frustrated manager,
Thank you for this friendly question. Negativity is contagious and sucks the energy out of many workplaces. But your last question is particularly interesting to me: Why does negativity outweigh positivity?
In addition to explaining the reasons for the spread and persistence of negativity, I will also offer some solutions.
Negativity outweighs positivity because human beings are designed to avoid risk. The logic of this is understandable when you think about our survival instincts. Bad news signals danger and may require action. Instead of the prefrontal cortex, danger signals are processed by the amygdala, the emotional part of our brain. The thoughts provided through this amygdala focus our attention on the danger. This is why even normally positive people pay more attention to negative information than to positive information.
Negative information attracts people's attention more because it is information about the organization outside of the image projected by management.Most organizations and leaders try to hide problems from employees and make it appear that everything is fine. As a result, employees are hungry to hear the truth - especially the less glittering truths that they believe are being hidden from them. They take negative information about them seriously, even if it comes from sources of questionable credibility.
Solution 1: The solution to these first two problems is to create an atmosphere in which people can honestly share their thoughts and feelings. People with questions and concerns, people hungry for information, will turn to someone for answers. You have to make sure that you are the first person there with honest answers.
Too many people assume that others will speak on their behalf to the people concerned. This is because they are too timid to speak for themselves. People who speak for themselves fall into two groups: those who are skilled at critical conversations and those who are not. People who are skilled at critical conversations know how to speak openly, honestly and respectfully. Those who have not acquired specific skills in this area speak clearly and bluntly in their own way, but in the process act aggressively and don't even realize how negative they are.
Solution 2: Give every employee the opportunity to speak up and make the environment safe for people to raise questions and concerns. Otherwise, the people who make up the majority in your company, who remain silent because they are afraid to speak up, will not voice their concerns. They will be spoken for by people who are not actually skilled at critical conversations, but who often speak negatively.
In addition, train and mentor negative communicators who lack critical conversations skills and poison the environment to become more competent in raising concerns.
DOWNLOAD THE CRITICAL CONVERSATIONS TRAINING BROCHURE
The fourth reason for the spread of negativity is different from the first three because it relates to a different kind of negativity: disrespectful behavior! When one person is disrespectful, others often respond with disrespect - tit for tat. As a result, disrespect becomes a poison that spreads quickly through a team.
Solution 3: Every team has informal/unwritten norms about what constitutes respectful behavior. When disrespect happens too often, it may be necessary to make these norms more formal and explicit. This may require a team meeting, a few critical conversations, or the creation of an actual code of conduct. You need to decide how clear and explicit these norms need to be.
However, the key to success is not the norms, but how they are enforced during the implementation phase. You should achieve a 200 percent accountability rate: Team members must first be 100 percent accountable for being respectful themselves, but they must also demand 100 percent accountability from their teammates to make others respectful as well. This means team members holding each other accountable, not you. This may require some coaching or training, but it is a must. You, as the leader, cannot keep these norms alive on your own. It must be mandated by the team members themselves.
Negativity is a hard habit to break. We have all observed this unfortunate reality. People commit to stop complaining, spreading gossip or being disrespectful, only to return to their old ways later.
Solution 4: Use IMI skills to make sure you frame the problem. Here is an example.
CONTENT: If the problem is a singular event, address only that context in the communication. The context includes your expectations and uncommented facts about what you observed. For example, you might say to your employee, "When you have a concern or hear a rumor, I expect you to communicate it to me first so we can deal with it efficiently. Without checking with me first, I heard this morning that you shared a rumor - as if it were true - with many of your teammates. Why?"
MODEL: If your anxiety is about the pattern of behavior, i.e. a recurring pattern, then address the pattern. A pattern is when a person consistently makes a commitment or promise and does not fulfill it. For example, "We talked earlier about not sharing rumors without checking with me first. I thought you promised me that you would stop doing that. This morning I heard that you shared a rumor. If the facts I have are true, then you have broken your commitment to me. Help me understand that."
RELATIONSHIP: If your main concern involves trust or respect, that is, if all the behaviors are now starting to damage your relationship, address your relationship in your conversation. The relationship may need to change. For example, "When you make commitments to me and then fail to follow through on them, I'm starting to think I can't trust you. And if I can't trust you, I don't know how I'm going to be a team with you. Help me understand that."
I hope these ideas help you deal with the negativity that permeates your workplace. Please let me know how it goes.
Good luck to you,
Spring